Just Following People Whom I Love

thingsimreading:

charredcoal:

My mother told me that virginity is the MOST important thing a woman possessed, once you lose that, you are nothing. Nothing.

I wanted to ask, even after marriage? I had the suspicion that she would have said yes.

Anyway, when I finally told her about the sexual abuse in my past, she wept as if I was murdered, or rather part of me was murdered. She kept asking if I was still a virgin, to give any details (actions he had taken) that could give clues to the status of my virginity. She set up a doctor’s appointment for me (I ignored that action).

I was not sure if she was weeping for the pain I had undergone all these years, the after math, or because of the possibility that I was no longer a virgin.

I will always be suspicious that she was crying for the loss of my virginity.

I told her for comfort but all I got was judgement. I kept telling myself that she did not know any better, but the betrayal I felt never went away and I wish I hadn’t talked at all, because the burden was heavier after I talked.

Oddly, my father (who I was never closed to) came to me one night and told me that what happened was in the past and I should not let the abuser win by feeling any less human.